Coming Undone
by Mommy's Bad Girl
Summary: We've gone from perfect, to be nothing. I had everything, until she appeared. Until I decided to fool everything that I've ever known for a second with her. I'm Edward Cullen, and this is the story of how I destroyed my life. DRABBLE-ISH. Perfectward is here!
1. Introduction

**Disclaymer: **We all know that S. Meyer is the queen and I'm just some sort of creepy girl who's playing with Edward, and making him suffer :)

**Summary:** We've gone from perfect, to be nothing. I had everything, until she appeared. Until I decided to fool everything that I've ever known for a second with her. I'm Edward Cullen, and this is the story of how I destroyed my life.

**A/N: **A really, big, fat, huge thanks to my lovely beta "Fear-The Spork" who's absolutely awesome, and... yeah. She's **MY** beta (Die from envy! muahaha), :) See ya in a few. Enjoy!

* * *

**0.- Introduction.**

"You couldn't keep your hands to yourself," Sia.

**Coming Undone**  
_By Mommy's Bad Girl_

**Fingers**. Fingers that makes her skin blush.

**Skin**. Skin that goes all the way to her thighs and there, I found the secret place of her soul.

**Soul**. The one we lost when we started this game.

**Game**. The one that we play every day. Secretive looks, soft touches, fake smiles. The same "Hello, How are you?" of every day and then, "More, please, more," when we're at that hotel room at night.

Everyone knows about us but no one says anything about it.

I shift on the spot, looking for_ her_.

I want to find her and then lose her again. Because that's the way it is and how it will always be.

Because I'm married, and she… she doesn't have any compromises. Except for me, of course.

**She**. Suddenly I remember how she smells. I need her. I need to feel her lips against my neck and her arms hugging me.

I mouth a "Hi," to her when I find her and she nods, smiling.

I love her but I take my wife's hand, who's sitting right next to me.

**My wife**, the one who shouldn't be in the picture at all. She doesn't have any idea about what's been happening. She still believes that our vows are intact.

So naïve.

Didn't she realize that it just wasn't 'normal' that I would stay at the 'office' until way past midnight? Didn't she notice that the only part of me touching her skin were my hands and only ever when we were in public?

No. She didn't realize it. My wife is so naïve, and I'm such a bastard.

But at least I know why this is happening.

Not even _she_ knows what I was really doing.

"Are you ready to go?" My lovely wife asks and I smile and nod. I'm pretty sure that my smile looks far too false.

But I can't even bring myself to care.

"Did I tell you that you look absolutely stunning?" I ask and I'm telling the truth. She's one of the most beautiful women that I've ever seen. When I married her I was sure that I've never seen such an angelical face and that she was a miracle.

And I still believe the same. There's no one, not even a super model, who can overshadow the beauty of the angel who's holding my hand.

It's a shame really, that it's not enough for me. Nothing is ever enough.

Step by step, I'm sinking deeper and drowning in this shit.

I went from been the golden boy with the perfect life, to being the monster that I am now. I went from having the perfect marriage with the perfect woman, to having an affair with a girl who's not even '_normal_'.

I went from having it all because I didn't gamble anything, to gambling everything and having absolutely nothing.

I went from 'living' to 'existing'.

This is me.

I'm Edward Cullen, the man who always had it all; the perfect family, the perfect business, the perfect life.

And now… now I don't give two shits about it.

This is me, losing myself more and more every single minute.

And you seriously don't have any idea of how much I fucking regret every bit of it.

* * *

**A/N: **So... This is a new project for me. I call him Perfectward, I bet a few of you will call him "Dickward", or something even better.

This is my first english fanfic, so let me know what you think, OK?

Thanks for reading,

Mommy's Bad Girl.


	2. 1 Chapter

**Disclaymer:**We all know that S. Meyer is the queen and I'm just some sort of creepy girl who's playing with Edward, and making him suffer :)

**Summary:** We've gone from perfect, to be nothing. I had everything, until she appeared. Until I decided to fool everything that I've ever known for a second with her. I'm Edward Cullen, and this is the story of how I destroyed my life.

**N/A: **My Beta is awesome. Thank god for people like "Fear-The-Spork" See ya in a few, lovely readers.

* * *

**1.- Chapter**

_"I see right through you any hour," Blue Fundation._

**Coming Undone**  
By Mommy's Bad Girl

April, 2009

"I love you," My wife says before kissing me goodbye.

I love her but I don't tell her. I don't know why.

It's probably because I don't think she deserves it, even though deep down I know she does.

She deserves everything; a husband who loves her, someone who can make her happy.

She deserves the whole world.

"I love you!" I scream while I walk towards my car. Her cute smile makes me laugh, because it makes her face brighter. She's beautiful.

I love her… and that's what makes me tell her.

Because she deserves it and yes, I may be selfish… but I don't want to make her suffer because of three simple words.

I get to my car, like I do every single morning. The radio blares like it does every single morning. My cup of coffee is between the seats like it is every single morning.

I love my mornings but I hate them too.

They're all the same but I feel like something is different today. It's like there's a shift in the air.

Today is the first day my new assistant will be working with me. We had to let Ashley go because of her pregancy. She had taken an early materinty leave and she had recommended this girl to take her place.

I just prayed that she knew what she was doing.

I hate disaster.

I hate messy things.

I think about my wife and I smile. She was planning on taking a pregnancy test today, nervous about the results. It excites me when I think about a little Edward Cullen growing up inside her belly.

We have been trying for months, but nothing ever happened.

I was afraid that she had a problem. I was afraid, because I could have a problem too. I was fearful that we both couldn't be parents at all, that we weren't mean to be.

The idea of not having anything at all scares me shitless but I knew that my life was perfect. We were perfect and we could make something even more perfect from there.

My life was incredible.

This pregnancy will be incredible too.

I arrive to my office and I mutter a 'hello' to the doorman. I wave to a lot of people while I walk to the elevator.

I know that most of them are a bunch of hypocrites but again, I can be one too.

I get into the elevator and I push the button with the biggest number on it. The generic music that comes out of the speakers is already giving me a headache and just when I'm about to scream "STOP IT!" and punch something, the doors open again.

And she comes in.

The first thing I notice is that her shoes are dirty and her skirt is full of wrinkles.

She's not perfect.

She's nothing like my wife.

She's no one.

But at the same time, she is someone.

She shifts nervously on the spot and I can see a smile on her lips.

And then, her eyes meet mine. She checks me out like some kind of preppy girl, and then she bites her bottom lip.

She has the nerve to wink at me before she turns back around.

She eye-fucked me!

I feel so disgusted.

The doors open again and I'm at my floor.

She comes out right behind me and I want to scream again.

No.

This cannot be happening.

Surely, she got confused and followed me but she's not here to see me, is she?

This cannot happen on my perfect day. In my perfect life.

In my perfect office.

"Mr. Cullen?" She asks, and her voice is so tiny and fragile. I nod, clutching my briefcase until my knuckles turn white.

"I… ah… I… I'm really sorry about the elevator thing. I… I didn't know," She starts, but I cut her with a wave of my hand.

She has to shut up. Her voice is so…

Disgusting.

"I want the reports of the Newton's case on my desk in less than one hour," I say. Without another word or glance, I walk to my office leaving her there, standing with her mouth hanging open like a fucking goldfish.

"Oh, and Miss…?" I say over my shoulder, not even looking at her completely. Her face gives me chills and I fucking hate it.

"Swan," She answers in a whisper.

"Miss Swan, I expect you to be more… presentable and clean tomorrow. If I ever see that type of behavior again in my office, you won't have a job to come back to," I say and then I close the door behind me.

This is fucked up. This is not perfect.

This has to change because it's the only way that my life can keep working.

This has to be perfect.

I didn't know what I was going to do if something changed.

Fuck.

* * *

**A/N: **Perfectward is here to stay. What do you think?

I'll be waiting for your opinions :)

xoxo

Mommy's Bad Girl


	3. 2 Chapter

**Disclaymer:**We all know that S. Meyer is the queen and I'm just some sort of creepy girl who's playing with Edward, and making him suffer :)

**Summary:** We've gone from perfect, to be nothing. I had everything, until she appeared. Until I decided to fool everything that I've ever known for a second with her. I'm Edward Cullen, and this is the story of how I destroyed my life.

**N/A: **My beta "Fear-The-Spork" is awesome, and I don't need to say more. Enjoy!

* * *

**2.- Chapter**

_"Let us disagree, cause wrong was made for you to be." Agnes Obel_

**Coming Undone**

By Mommy's Bad Girl

May, 2009

"Mr. Cullen." _Her mouth is disgustingly red._

"… So the Webber/Newton case..." _Where the heck does she gets her clothes? From the salvation army?__  
_  
"...She asked me to tell you..." _Her voice is so... high.__  
_  
"... The dinner that you had to..." _I can't stand her.__  
_  
"The appointment with the..." _I can't even fucking look at her._

"Can I do anything else for you, sir?" _She asks and I shrug._

She's so intolerable. I don't even fucking know why she's still working here.

I hate _her_.

She's my nemesis. She's messy, dirty, talkative, stubborn.

It's maddening.

I've seen her in the most extravagant outfits this last month. I had to remind her for the thousandth time about the office policies.

She was nothing like my wife.

I can't stand _her_.

I just... no.

I couldn't even look at her without wanting to throw up.

"Miss. Swan?" I ask before she leaves my office. I wonder if she realizes that whenever I talk to her, I want to scream and _puke_all over the place.

That means that I'm disgusted five days a week, every twenty minutes for ten hours.

_Shit._

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen?" She answered and I feel the bile up my throat when I hear her voice full of... apathy.

"I'm going to ask you, again, to not use that kind of perfume on my office. It fills the environment with a foul smell and I don't like that MY office smells like a brothel. Can you imagine what will our clients say?" I say with a serious expression, and I can see how her face goes from light red, to magenta, to light red again.

Her bottom lip starts shaking.

I smile, happy with myself. Her smell, like her, gives me nausea.

I hate her.

Before she can answer, I take the phone and dial my wife's number.

I just realize that she's gone when the "click" of the door sounds like an echo in my office.

…

"I can't believe you told her that. Poor girl," My wife shakes her head with disapproval but she has a smile on her perfect pink lips, so I know that she's half joking.

"She deserves it, love" I answer. I take my glass of wine and smile when I see her face.

"You're mean," I take a sip of wine, leave the glass on the table and in a quick movement I take her wrists and I put them over her head.

"How mean?" I murmur playfully. I cover her body with mine. Her long, long hair is spread on the white cushion and her beautiful green eyes are looking at me.

I love her.

She's perfect. She's everything that I never knew I could wish for, but I always wanted.

"Very, very bad" And she kisses me, and her mouth tastes perfect. Coconut and vanilla.

One of my hands strokes her thigh and it slips under her white dress, finding more wonderful skin.

Soft and beautiful skin. Wet skin. Perfect skin.

"In that case, let me show you how good I can be," I whisper and the most incredible moan leaves her lips as my answer.

Isabella Swan could never be this perfect.

Not even if she was born again.

Not even if I try to make her perfect, _myself._

* * *

Here we go :) What do you think about Perfectward?, isn't he a little bitch or what?

Leave your opinions :)

Xxx,

Mommy's Bad Girl


	4. 3 Chapter

**Disclaymer: **We all know that S. Meyer is the queen and I'm just some sort of creepy girl who's playing with Edward, and making him suffer :)

**Summary:** We've gone from perfect, to be nothing. I had everything, until she appeared. Until I decided to fool everything that I've ever known for a second with her. I'm Edward Cullen, and this is the story of how I destroyed my life

**N/A: **Give me an F!, Give me an E!, Five me an A!, Give me an R!, Give me the best beta that I could ever had! FEAR THE SPORK! :3 Love my beta 3

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**3****.- Chapter**

"Look at her with her eyes like a flame  
She will love you like a fly will never love you, again" Massive Attack

**Coming Undone**

_By Mommy's Bad Girl._

June, 2009

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" Her horrible brown eyes were looking at me with panic but I didn't give a flying fuck about it. She had fucked up big time.

"I... Ah... I..." She stutters, but I don't let her finish.

"YOU WHAT? You decided to ruin one of the most important cases of the firm because you got FUCKING distracted? What the FUCK were you thinking?" I roar and I'm pretty sure that if my wife could see me right now she would be really disappointed with my vocabulary.

"I just didn't think..." She starts, but I interrupt her again.

"You OBVIOUSLY didn't think! Do you realize what this means? WE ALL COULD LOSE OUR JOBS BECAUSE OF THIS!" I scream again. I can see her body shaking with fear.

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!"

And then... everything gets quiet.

I hate her. I hate her so much for trying to ruin my perfect life. I hate her because she's trying to destroy everything around me.

I should have fired her from the beggining.

God... I should fire her right now.

"Get the hell out of my office!" I say, but she doesn't move an inch.

Stubborn. Always so fucking stubborn.

"Get. Out. NOW!" I roar but she shakes her head, her brown hair moving from one side to another.

"You're the most egocentric and sick man that I've ever met." She whispers and her eyes met mine.

"Don't confuse the egocentrism with the perfectionism. If you weren't such an imbecile, you'd know the difference."

"STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT! I'M A HUMAN! I MAKE MISTAKES!"

"NOT BILLIONAIRE MISTAKES, YOU FOOL!" I answer back and I want to slap her.

I've never had this feeling in my life. I've never raise my hand against a woman but, fuck, she makes my skin crawl.

"You're fired," I say after a few seconds and she shakes her head again.

"You're a sexist pig," She answers and before she knew what was happening, before I could think about what the fuck was going on, I take her by the arms and I kiss her.

It tastes wrong. It's different and I don't like it but I bite her lips and I feel blood on the tip of my tongue.

Her smell is not perfect.

She doesn't smell like coconut or vanilla.

She smells like... Isabella and it disgusts me.

I hate everything about her.

I don't know what the fuck am I doing.

I don't know why am I doing it.

And the worst part is that she's kissing me back and she's pulling my hair and I throw her against my desk to rub my erection between her legs.

I hate her.

God... I hate her so much.

This is not perfect.

It will never be, but I can't help it.

And while I tear her blouse and she unbotton my shit, I realize that I'm not going to be able to stop.

And while she moans, horribly, against my mouth, I realize one thing...

I realize how much I'm going to regret this when it's over. I realize how sick this situation is.

I realize how much I was hurting my wife.

I realize how far off of perfection this shit is...

...And I don't give a crap about it.


	5. 4 Chapter

**Disclaymer: **We all know that S. Meyer is the queen and I'm just some sort of creepy girl who's playing with Edward, and making him suffer :)

**Summary:** We've gone from perfect, to be nothing. I had everything, until she appeared. Until I decided to fool everything that I've ever known for a second with her. I'm Edward Cullen, and this is the story of how I destroyed my life.

**A/N: **My beta, Fear-The-Spork is awesome. Be jealous, haha :)

* * *

**4.- Chapter**

_"Another night with her_  
_But I'm always wanting you" Blink 182_

**Coming Undone**

By Mommy's Bad Girl

August, 2009

"Argh…" I moan before I fall, exhausted, over her body.

Her hotness gives me chills and I want to cry at how bad her smells feels in my nose.

Everything is wrong.

So, so wrong. But I just can't help it.

Every single time that I see her... it's just impossible for me to stop.

I get up without talking and start looking for my clothes. I pull my pants up, still in silence. I can see Isabella from the corner of my eye, covering her naked chest with the bed sheets.

The white color of the fabric makes her look even more pale.

She looks horribly beautiful.

I'm disgusted with myself.

"Get dressed and go. I'll see you on Monday at the office," I murmur when I finish buttoning my shirt. I pick up my BlackBerry and my heart jumps.

5 missed calls. From my wife.

She have never called me so much in a single night.

This is weird... so, so weird.

My mind goes wild with what could have happened, and when my finger is about to press the "Call" button,_ she_ speaks:

"Edward?" She whispers and I look at her.

"What?" I answer. I put the BlackBerry in my pants pocket and I look at her with a poisonous face.

"When are you going to tell her?" And I can't help the laugh that bubbles out of me. She's so... stupid.

"Isabella..." And I have to take some air to not laugh again "If you ever think, for one moment, that I am going to leave MY wife for YOU... you're even more stupid that I gave you credit for. You're not that important, nor that perfect."

And with that I turn around and I get the fuck out of that hotel room. I want to go home and hug my wife. I want to tell her that I love her and tell her that I'm sorry, even if she doesn't get what I am apologizing for.

But I know that I'm not going to do it... because I lied to Isabella. I lied, because she's getting so fucking important in my life.

So much that it fucking scares me.

So much that I don't get it.

I look at the clock and it says 12:30 AM, and all of the sudden I feel so tired.

So tired that I don't even realize which date just passed 30 minutes ago.

So tired that when I get to the car I totally forget about the red gift box that it's on the back seat.

So tired that I don't give a crap if I'm destroying my marriage.

…

As soon as I open the door to my home I know that something is wrong. All the lights are out.

It doesn't look perfect.

It doesn't smell perfect.

There's no one.

I decide to go to the kitchen first, and I see the dinner room as I past it. There are candles, and cold food served. In the middle of the table, there's an envelope.

And then... I remember.

And I want to punch myself in that instant.

My wife has told me about this the day before. She said that this was our aniversary and that it was important. She said that she had to give me some really good news.

And I didn't come... Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. I've never done this.

I've never ditched one of our dinners... and I didn't even call.

I fucking love her and I didn't even call.

I've always loved her. She's perfect.

She didn't deserve any of this.

What did I do?... God, WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?

I take the envelope and I open it...

And my hands shake when I read it, and the paper falls out of my hands and hits the floor.

No.

Yes.

No.

Yes.

This is not happening.

My life couldn't be any more perfect... because I'll ruin it completely.

Without thinking I run like crazy to the stairs and then to our room and I find her there.

She's sleeping on fetal position, and even with her eyes closed I can see her tears still spreading all over the pillows.

She's beautiful. And perfect. And incredible.

The problem is that, for a really unknown reason, she wasn't enough.

And I felt so shitty for it.

Without giving it a second thought, I shake her and she open her beautiful eyes. Her beautiful and full of tears green eyes, and they're looking at me with sadness.

Uncomfortable minutes pass. No one says anything and then she pouts and she has to breath to say her next words.

"You... forgot," And her voice is tinny.

And then, my heart breaks because it's true.

Because of my mistakes I had ruined something that could have been so perfect.

"I'm sorry. So sorry. Please... please forgive me," I whisper against her hair while I hug her, and I want to kiss her tears away.

Even crying she looks so fucking perfect.

"I love you. I love you. Please, forgive me. I love you," I say over and over again, but she doesn't say anything.

I put my hands against her belly and I sigh.

"He or she is going to be perfect and I'm going to fix this," I say and she nods.

But she doesn't say anything and her silence it's killing me.

She knows that something is wrong.

And I was a coward for not telling her that our perfection didn't exist anymore.

I was a monster.

"I love you," I tell her and I feel that something, inside of me, dies a little bit.

And the worst part is that... those three little words that I wanted to hear didn't come back at me.


	6. 5 Chapter

**Disclaymer: **We all know that S. Meyer is the queen and I'm just some sort of creepy girl who's playing with Edward, and making him suffer :)

**Summary:** We've gone from perfect, to be nothing. I had everything, until she appeared. Until I decided to fool everything that I've ever known for a second with her. I'm Edward Cullen, and this is the story of how I destroyed my life.

**A/N: **My beta, my beta, RA-RA-RA! Thank you "Fear-The-Spork" :3

* * *

**5.- Chapter**

_"What do you do when you know something's bad for you_  
_And you still can't let go?" Christina Aguilera._

**Coming Undone**

By Mommy's Bad Girl.

December, 2009

My hand strokes her belly. Her incredible, big, round and beautiful belly.

It's perfect, just as I'd always imagined.

We're in one of the ultrasound scans and today is the day that they're going to tell us the sex of the baby.

I hope it's a boy... but I know that if it were a girl, I'll get crazy.

I kiss her lips and I feel relaxed. I know everything is going to be OK, or at least 'til the doctor's appointment is over and I have to go back to work.

To her.

My wife feels my anxiety and one of her hands touch my cheek.

"Calm down... it looks like you don't even want to be here," she says playfully, but I can hear the meaning clearly in her words. She seriously does think that I don't want to be here and that I regret the pregnancy, the marriage, everything... when in reality I regret the affair that I've been having this past couple of months.

I should have never slept with Isabella in the first place, but I can't stop. She was like my own personal drug.

And I feel so bad about it.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else, love," I answer and I squeeze her hand.

She knows that something is wrong, I can see it in her eyes.

She knows about my long work hours, about how I don't touch her anymore because I feel disgusted with myself.

She knows how I fantasize about... having sex with another woman. Because it's not 'making love'... I just fucked Isabella. That was my modus operandi. No one, except for my wife, will be good enough to make love with.

But what I was doing was even worse.

"Are you ready to know your baby's sex?" the doctor asks and I nod, happy.

Because for the first time in a long long time I feel happy for something that can't be touched by my mistakes.

Because for the first time I can smile without feeling like an hypocrite.

And when I see the little form on the screen and I see its tiny feet and its tiny hands and it's little head, I swear to God that I'm going to destroy every single thing that could hurt it.

And when I see my wife's happy tears when the doctor tell us that it's a boy, I promise to end everything with Isabella.

And when I feel my own tears rolling down my cheeks, I know that this time I'll do it.

Because I need it, because I have to do it.

Because if I don't do it... I'll lose something even more important that my perfectionism.

I just hope that it's not too late to fix this.


	7. 6 Chapter

**Disclaymer: **We all know that S. Meyer is the queen and I'm just some sort of creepy girl who's playing with Edward, and making him suffer :)

**Summary:** We've gone from perfect, to be nothing. I had everything, until she appeared. Until I decided to fool everything that I've ever known for a second with her. I'm Edward Cullen, and this is the story of how I destroyed my life.

**A/N:** My beta is... well, you know. She's awesome. Fear-The-Spork is awesome. Awesome. Awesome. :)

* * *

**6.- Chapter**

_"I remember tears streaming down your face  
When I said, I'll never let you go" Taylor Swift_

__**Coming Undone**

By Mommy's Bad Girl

December, 2009

"You... you can't do this to me."

I laugh. Hard.

"You don't say? I can do whatever the hell I want. Or what? You thought that because I was fucking you this was going to last forever?" I look at her with my most cruel smile. "You... you thought that I was going to fall in love with you? Oh my god, I can't believe you're that stupid! You thought that I was going to leave my wife for you? That this was going to be the fairy tale in which the secretary falls in love with the boss and they live happily ever after?"

I laugh even more hard. She can be so... naïve sometimes.

"I don't... I don't know that you're talking about."

"Of course you do. You thought that I was going to fall in love with my employee, dump my wife and then marry you."

"SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU NEED! IF SHE DID THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU FUCK ME? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE GIVING ME EXPLANATIONS? YOU CARE FOR ME! YOU CARE FOR ME AND THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T WANNA HURT MY FEELINGS! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE!" She screams with tears running down her face.

It looks... disgusting.

I wanted to yell back and tell her that she was wrong, but I couldn't, because she was right. Nothing was enough for me. Not my wife, or my family and it wasn't anyone's fault. Not even Isabella's. It was mine.

It was mine, because I've always wanted more. I was so fucking selfish.

God... I hate me so much.

"Please... please, don't leave me," Isabella says in a whisper and gets up from her chair. "Please, Edward. You're the best thing that has ever happen to me."

"How can you say that after all the shit that I've done to you?" I answer and Isabella, with a soft move, sits on my lap.

I don't make a move. I can't hug her. I don't want to do it. This is a mistake.

"Because I know that behind that evil mask that you wear, there's something good," She says and tries to kiss me, but I move my face. This has to stop. Now.

"I can't stand you. I've never done it and I never will. Yes, there's something about you that I find appealing but I hate you for that, Isabella. I HATE YOU for ruining everything," I answer in a low and cruel voice and I get up from my sit, making Isabella almost fall from my lap.

"Everything was perfect 'til you came into my life," I take her by the hips and I sit her on my desk, opening her legs with mine.

"I hate you," I whisper close to her lips as I watch her eyes. They're full of tears, but I don't care. I need to finish this.

"And this will never happen again," I say and I rip her underwear with both of my hands.

"Understood?" I growl and I get inside of her in one stroke.

The only sounds coming from the office are our moans. I penetrate her with force again, and again, and again, loosing myself in her body, and I enjoy it, because I know that it'll be the last time it ever happens.

Her nails dig on my back and I welcome the pain. I deserve it.

God... I deserve everything and even more.

My hands are on her ass and I push her against me to feel here more. I wanna cry, because she looks fucking beautiful... And I don't get it.

I don't get why she's beautiful, but she fucking is.

She's horribly beautiful and I hate her for it.

She's not perfect.

She's not my style.

But I can't help kissing her, because I know that I'm going to miss this but I need to stop for my family's well-being.

Her little hands curl in my hair and her face is two centimeters from mine and for minutes, hours... I just look at her; and she looks at me, and the sound of our gasps burns into my memory.

I love her.

God... I love her so much and I feel so disgusted with myself right now.

I love her because she's my personal drug.

I hate her because of everything she represents.

Everything that she made me be.

Everything that we're never going to be.

And while I rammed harder into her and I grab her in every single place, leaving bruises on her white skin, I fail to realize how my office door is now open.

And while I grunt her name when I come, I fail to see the tears rolling from the green eyes that are looking at us from the door.

I fall, exhausted, over Isabella's body on the top of my desk and that's when I hear it.

I hear the sob coming from the door.

I hear her tears pouring down her eyes, and I hear mine in the future.

My head shouts up and there she is, mi wife, with two cups of coffee spilling on her feet, and her beautiful and perfect face transformed on a mask of... revulsion.

I'm so agitated that I can't speak. And then, everything stops, and for a second I look at her green eyes, and they look at me, and I see everything that I just broke.

Her hands hugs her belly, trying to protect our baby. Isabella then, looks at her.

And the two women look at each other and I feel that I have no blood left in my body.

I try to say something, but my throat is so dry that I just gasp.

I can feel Isabella's warm body under me but everything goes away.

And there's just one person left... my wife.

"Esme..." I whisper, but she shakes her head and her eyes are so full of disgust that the air leaves my lungs.

And then... she runs. She turns around and she starts running towards the elevator and I run behind her, ignoring Isabella's little hand trying to stop me.

"STOP, ESME! NO!" I scream... but It's too late for that.

And there's no one who can hear me screaming.

There's no one who can hear me crying.

There's no one who can stop me from falling.

I'm alone. So alone that I can even hear the sound of my heart bumping my ears.

So alone in this world that it doesn't matter if it's perfect or not anymore.

Because there's nothing left.

Nothing.

And it'll never be full again, because of me.

This was my fault.

My one and only fault.

* * *

Omg... yep. Yep. I know. SHOCKING. From the first moment that I thought about doing this story, Esme was my "Perfect" wife. You know... seen as how she's always so maternal and stuff like that.

Leave some love, dammit!

***Mommy's Bad Girl**


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